Author: Mary B. Grimm

I’ve been reading through Proverbs in my daily Quiet Times and studying the book of James for my weekly Bible study. Both books have a lot to say about the words we say and how we use our speech. Much of what I’m reading gives examples of the harm that can come to our listeners (or readers) from using our speech carelessly or with wrong motives.

I want to look at some loving, caring, productive uses of what we say to others. In order to do that, I also need to read the passages that reprimand inappropriate uses of the tongue. Basically, if we do the opposite of the negative uses of our speech, we will be using our tongues in helpful ways. James 3:1-11 (and further in the chapter) has much to say. You can read the post to the right for the passage from the NLT. The passage is addressed to teachers and leaders in the church, but we should all try to follow the principles laid out in the passage (as well as the rest of James 3).

Our speech should not be uncontrolled. In other words, we should carefully evaluate what we want to say before we say it. The old adage, “think before you act,” is the idea. So many of us respond to others in a reactionary manner, which only leads to arguments and hurt feelings – and eventually divisions. This is true whether we are talking with a brother or sister in Christ, our co-workers on our job, or within our own families (especially with spouses). In James 1:26 it says, “If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself and your religion is worthless” (NLT). This is a great challenge to those of us who call ourselves Christians (and anyone else professing any religion). Think before you act. Control your tongue.

Another example of good ways to use our words is found in Proverbs 15:1. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger” (NASB). This is a great verse for those of us who are parents. Whether it’s dealing with a small child throwing a tantrum or an angry teen trying to get their own way, this works to calm the situation down. I wish I had memorized this verse when my children were very young. I could have used the reminder to not yell back when my children were yelling at me. The times I remembered to do this, the turmoil and the chaos calmed down much more quickly. Also, it prevented hard feelings that could linger in the atmosphere of the relationship and the atmosphere of the home. Another result of being gentle and calm (with my children but also with my husband or co-workers) is I felt better about myself when all was said and done. Answer gently. Be calm.

Proverbs has a lot to say about using speech for deceitful purposes. The passages talk about slandering and not keeping secrets. Proverb 11:13 addresses this: “One who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, But one who is trustworthy conceals a matter” (NASB). Keeping secrets is not only a good practice for keeping friendships, it’s also a way to be right with God. When a friend (or enemy) shares a private matter with us, they are trusting us. Failure to maintain that trust can do damage to the development of the relationship and to the person sharing with us. Many times the slanderer shares in hopes of bettering their own position within a community. When done at the expense of another person, it’s doubly wrong. Not only does it hurt the person but also it’s an attempt to promote us and violate God’s commands to be humble. Be trustworthy. Conceal secrets.

Use honorable language and do not be vulgar or rude. Proverb 15:4 (in the King James Version) says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life; but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.” Wholesome as used here means “healing, cure, health” according to the Strong’s Concordance. To me that says words meant to build another up or give mental and physical health to the hearer. I don’t know about you but swear words and vulgar words don’t improve my health. In the Strong’s Concordance it defines perverseness as “distortion or viciousness.” The Free Dictionary online says this is “behavior that deviates from that which is understood to be orthodox or normal. … Although the term perversion can refer to a variety of forms of deviation, it is most often used to describe sexual behaviors that are considered particularly abnormal, repulsive or obsessive.” We do not want to use any language that deals with abnormal moral behaviors. Use Wholesome Language. Use healing words.

There is much more Scripture and many books written about the healthy uses of  speech. I can’t cover them all here and won’t try. These give us a good place to start.

Think before you act. Control your tongue.

Answer gently. Be calm.

Be trustworthy. Conceal secrets.

Use Wholesome Language. Use healing words.

Hello. I feel I should write another “Welcome” post since it’s been so long since I posted a blog article on my webpage. A lot has happened in the in-between time. If you’ve been following along on my Facebook page (More Than Wishing), you know I had a serious back problem that left me in so much pain I was taking high-powered medicine to lessen it. The meds also left me a bit groggy and unable to maintain focus (or was that the pain?) I couldn’t string together a logical set of words; so writing was very difficult and exhausting. I just didn’t have the energy for it. So no blog articles.

Finally, after 4 months of waiting to find out what was wrong and without being able to walk for much of that time, I had major surgery to repair the damage in my low back on January 22^nd, 2021. Recovery has been remarkable and I am now able to concentrate and walk. I’m looking forward to using our camping trailer this summer. I’m still building up stamina (it’s amazing how our muscles can atrophy due to not using them for a relatively short period of time), and have a long way to go before I’m walking the mile a day I was doing last summer. I have incentives to keep me plugging away at it.

One of those incentives is a new grandson, born in November 2020. I can’t visit with him and his parents enough to satisfy me. I’m looking forward to being able to go on walks, play with him on the floor, read books to him, and share Jesus with him—you know, Grandmother (Yiayia) things.

As I already mentioned, I’m looking forward to using our new (delivered in August 2020) camping trailer. It may not be this summer, but one trip we plan to take is to Utah. One of our daughters moved there for her first career job and I can’t wait to go visit her. She lives in the southwest corner of the state and the sights are beautiful. She’s enjoying her job and the drastic change in scenery from Michigan. She got there the end of December (after an adventure including a totaled car) and enjoyed the temperate weather (no Michigan freezing and snow).

I’ve been reading in Proverbs for my daily devotions. Today I read part of Proverb 14. Verse 10 in the NLT says, “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy.” My heart is very sad that due to my back problems I was unable to go with her when my daughter moved to Utah, and to be with her and my husband as they dealt with the accident. Fortunately, no one was injured, but they had to significantly change their plans only ¼ of the way there. Yet I had a supporting role. I was able to muster up much prayer support from church and friends as they dealt with the situation. (Facebook definitely has its good points.) My daughter got to manage several very new and adult activities on her own as a result (she flew the rest of the way to Utah and waited for her belongings to be shipped to her). We saw God answer our prayers above and beyond, and so much better, than we even prayed for. My joy in seeing God work was probably shared by some, but no one can know the extent of my joy, except Christ. The verse in Proverb 14 reminded me that while others may not understand my bitterness or joy, Christ does. Praise the Lord!

I’ll close this article for now. My goal is to ease back into my blog writing by posting one new article a month for now. Be looking for them on the last Thursday of the month.

This week, my Bible study partner and I have shifted gears and are studying a book in the New Testament. While there is much more to learn from looking at God patterns in the Old Testament, we decided to tackle something different for this fall. We are studying the James’ letter “To the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad” (James 1:1, NASB). We will be using the NavPress LifeChange series book on James to guide our study.

In the introduction, there is some discussion as to when this book was written. Many scholars over the years have assumed that this book was James’ rebuttal to Paul’s writings about the inclusion of Gentiles without conforming to the Jewish Laws. However, there is a whole school of thought on this that says this letter may have been the first letter written by anyone, dating it before Paul’s writings.

The different views were supported by various sources, but I’m leaning towards believing it was written earlier than later. One reason for this is because, as quoted above, the letter was written to Christian Jews (people belonging to the twelve tribes). Early on in the development of the church, it was primarily made up of Jews, the gospel not having yet made it to the Gentiles (primarily after the great disbursement of Jews out of the city of Jerusalem). Paul was still in his “Christian infancy” then and hadn’t yet written any of his letters.

I’m open to what further study may reveal, but for now I’m going to approach James from the perspective of what James wanted the early Jewish Christians to know. Quoting my Bible study partner, I would describe James’ purpose for writing this letter as, “Encouragement to the scattered Jewish believers to obedience and focus on God.” This involved continually circling back to point its readers back to this question: “Where’s your focus?” As I continue to read and study James, I’m going to keep that question in mind and jot down a few notes for each section about what James thinks the early believers should be focusing on – and take those things to heart as the things I should also be focusing on.

Can you spare 10 minutes? There are so many items on my want to do, should do, and could do lists that there doesn’t seem like there’s enough time to do any of them. So I don’t. I just keep looking at the piles (on my dresser, in my closet, in the hall closet, on my desk, in my desk, in the store room, and even on the dining room table) and wishing I had more time.

The reality is if I spent the 10 minutes I use to be anxious over everything there is to be done actively doing something, the piles would shrink! My therapist and my best friend remind me to set a timer for 10 minutes and tackle one of the piles. The idea is I don’t have to plan on finishing the job; it’s about just getting started. I’ve found that once started, I continue to tackle the pile well after the timer goes off. And it feels so good.

This idea originated with my therapist who told me to set a timer for 5 minutes to get started on a writing project – even just writing in my journal. I rarely stopped after the 5 minutes was up. Then she suggested lengthening the time a little if I was still feeling overwhelmed. Again, it worked. I usually come away feeling successful, even a bit proud of what I was able to get done. Often that motivates me for the next task or pile to conquer.

Even though I know that I will spend more time than the “required” 5 or 10 minutes, this technique still works. I have found I can do almost anything for 10 minutes, including reading God’s Word or writing in my Prayer Journal. The best part of this technique is that it encourages me to lay aside the “distractions,” presumably for 10 minutes, to do something else. Even setting a timer for the “distractions” (playing games on my phone, watching the news, etc.) allows me to move on to more productive activity. I often find I have 10 minutes (or even the original 5) in my day that I thought was impossible to find.

I often suggest this strategy to other people, and some of them have found it useful as well. We remind each other back and forth to use it to tackle our piles. Even if I only have 10 minutes, it’s amazing how much I get done just by getting started. That’s the original purpose of this technique: to get started. I suggest this to my friends and to my college-aged daughter. Later in the day, we compare notes and are mutually encouraged by what we were actually able to achieve. This is a strategy I recommend you try when you are staring at the piles. Just start. We can do anything for 10 minutes.